Palestine Remembered- Sixt Years Later

Where Do I Belong? This is the eternal question that every Palestinian is asking since the beginning of time. I always had this feeling of not belonging since I was young. When I am asked where I am from, I have to explain the origin of my family and explain why I was born and raised in Jordan, and why I am not living in my own homeland ! This is very typical for most of us Palestinians who were born after 1948 and 1967, to be born and raised outside Palestine. Moving around the world for Palestinians is often a must to make a living. The loss of identity and feelings of belonging are confusing and puzzling.

Early on I was aware of the Palestinian catastrophe (نكبة 1948), and lived through 1967 war to realize that more Palestinians were misplaced and expelled from their own homeland through the horrors of the Napalm bombs and fleeing with little of their belongings by foot on “The Bridge Of Return” !

My parents always talked about their exile trip from Jaffa to Beirut by sea then settling in Amman as the city that had glimpse of hope of making ends meet. They told stories of fear of the unknown during their forced migration journey.

On one sunny day in May 1948 my parents accompanied their extended families, young and old, and got on board a Greek boat that carried with it many families from Jaffa. Almost all the residents of Jaffa fled the city, fearing for their lives and their loved ones lives, after the horrors of massacre stories in the nearby villages, leaving behind everything they possessed and worked hard for their entire life.

Many Palestinians were blinded by the myth of going back "soon" when the situation got better, not knowing that this illusion will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Hope has been a companion to all Palestinians through their struggle. The dream of going back home vanished as the days got longer and the years were accumulating by the dozens, but those dreams are always revived, hoping that one day it will be realized.

Children grow up outside their homeland but always taught that they have a homeland and an orange orchard out there, with promised walks on the beach and watching the sunsets!

Parents grow older in strange land that they call home now. They worked hard to provide for their children and made sure they got the right education as a tool for their uncertain future.

Grandparents died in even stranger places not knowing they will end up thousands of miles away from their homeland leaving behind their home keys and land deeds for their children and grandchildren to follow up on.

To me, "the story of my family" was just another story…I did not realize that many Palestinian families share the same story with more suffering and hardships. Many had to endure so much to live a normal life, they faced so much struggle to provide and live in dignity and pride.

Until our current times, Palestinians are still struggling for acceptance, identity and living a normal life. Having formal papers that allow them freedom of movement and travel is a main issue for many Palestinians. Many are still suffering on many fronts, especially the ones that are carrying Palestinian Travel Document ( وثيقة سفر فلسطينيه) .Palestinians are still struggling within for their lost identity.

The battle for the journey to the unknown seems to be endless and difficult, but our people are known for being able to endure any situation and pass on the torch of struggle to our future generation with heads held up high!

No Reason To Celebrate!

Happy Mothers day to all the Palestinian mothers who are losing their children everyday...Many Palestinian mothers lost more than one child in a self defense acts against the enemy, others lost their children to being jailed in an unbalanced struggle for their rights. I am sure mothers day is just another day for these Palestinian women who have been suffering the loss of a child for the rest of their life.

Happy Mothers day to all the Iraqi mothers who have lost their children during the Saddam era and the ones who were killed in an unjust war that makes no sense to anyone, at least to me! the so called "Democracy" will never prevail in Iraq, not in our lifetime!
Happy Mothers day to all the Lebanese mothers who have lost their children at wars against the enemy , civil war and others who were killed recently by their own Lebanese brothers for some control fight in the name of claimed unity and salvation.

Happy Mothers day to all the mothers in Myanmar, but those mothers might be dead too in the cyclone! also come to my mind all the mothers who had no choice but to survive after the Tsunami took their children away!!

Happy Mothers day to all the American mothers who are losing their children in Iraq and Afghanistan in an unjust war. Fighting for Democracy, an illusion, fighting for the so called self defense in order to "protect" the United States against "Terrorism".

Happy Mothers day to all the Canadian mothers who have to mourn the loss of their children dying in vain in a foreign country that the child can not even point out on the world map!

Happy Mothers day to all the African mothers who are losing their children every single day for hunger, famine, civil unrest and AIDS.

Happy Mothers day to all the mothers who lose their children for senseless killing all over the world.

Mothers day has never been sadder in the current time. It is a sad occasion for many mothers around the world to think of this day is worthy of celebration...Life is not fair!

Will The Bad News Ever Stop Coming From Lebanon??

For pure selfish reasons, I am so glad that I left Beirut last week! Just in time for things to take a sharp turn to the worst in the city and its surroundings.
My husband left Bahrain four days ago to Beirut for meetings. My son is still staying in Beirut to finish up his last Semester at AUB. With the situation getting worse and the airport closing, I got so worried about my loved ones I wish I was there but not really mean it in my heart! I just want to be with my husband and son to ensure their safety although they might worry about mine! I am a wreck! I am so nervous about them being there…I could not sleep at all last night following the news…My son called me few times late last night telling me about the snipers on the roof top of our building and the surrounding buildings, he was worried too about the shooting sounds he was hearing all night, coming in strong and loud…that did not make me feel at ease at all and I lost sleep over thinking of the worst!
I got a call early this morning from my husband telling me that he will be leaving Beirut today from the northern boarders with my son! I am so relived they are getting out, but I am still worried about them making it out of Lebanon since the parties involved close and open the boarder lines as they please!
Hoping and praying, as always, for things to get back to normal in Lebanon…but maybe what is normal to the rest of the world is something very hard to achieve in Lebanon, because the parties fighting have no clue how to go about solving their power struggle and control issues. It is so sickening!!!

Just A Post!

So, I have been following the news about the strike in Egypt and Jordan, but I guess it was not a success! Too bad!

I have been in Bahrain for few days now…I am so tired of emptying suitcases and folding up clothes in drawers and hanging others in the closets ! I am taking a break today!

I have been having a good time seeing the girls almost every day. This is a blessing on its own. The little ones visit with me and when it is time to go home, they both cry and just do not want to leave…It is so cute! They love me!!! I am sure they feel my love to them too…I play the grandmother role very well. I start giving them snacks as soon as they step into my kitchen and they both know that they are being spoiled! For a special treat I give them chocolate milk and for being such good girls I give them a piece of chocolate at the end of their visit…no wonder they do not want to leave my house!! I love their cute innocent faces and just hugging and kissing them makes my day!

I got an early mother’s day gift yesterday from my daughter. She goes by the American mother’s day...(Sunday, May 11 this year) . She got me this beautiful purse , I love it ! It is so meeeeeeee!!

My daughter wrote me a heart filled card and she said in it:” I truly hope you enjoy your present. I saw it and immediately thought of you. It is practical and classic yet a little funky and very beautiful. Just like you!”

It was very sweet of her to write that! I guess I am classic but a little funky!

Last Few Hours

Today marks the last day for me living in Beirut. I cannot wait to be out of here.
I will be leaving this afternoon to Bahrain. I will be seeing my little angles tomorrow morning, since by the time I get there they will be sleeping for the night.
I just want to wake up late, without the alarm going off. Lately I have been waiting for this day to come to an end. I am just tired of all the mess I have been living in for the past few days…I am not comfortable in what used to be my own home!! I am sick of eating out, tired of having too many strange men in my home, tired of hearing them taping the boxes and wrapping stuff, in fact, the sounds can give you a huge headache!
I believe that God has better plans for me and my family. I am lucky to be living closer to my loved ones and seeing them almost daily. Being able to go back home to Chicago whenever I want is another advantage... I just have a good feeling that my life will be a great one in the near future!
Another chapter of my life is closing in, without any regrets…time to flip the page!